So I lay down in the darkness with the beer and coffee stains and I stared out at the thunder through the broken window panes

Flippin’ ‘eck Tucker! Time flies when you are having fun and you forget to do your Boblog leaving the masses in intellectual limbo. I pray for your forgiveness.

My top 3 Bob dream since my last Boblog are as follows. I have added one embellishment per dream to make it more exciting.

  1. Don’t panic! Don’t panic!

clive-dunn-corporal-jones-dads-army.gif

Now in this dream we were all gathered round in ‘the office’ and we were discussing redundancies in the team. It became evident that there was one job up for grabs between two of us – me and Corporal Jack Jones from Dad’s Army.

As we went round the team each person reluctantly voted for me (you can tell from the redundancy process being followed here that I have been in HR for over 30 years…..). By ‘reluctantly’ I mean that they realised I had the most appropriate skill set but they liked Corporal Jones better.

Jonesy began muttering that he had lost his job. Suddenly a condor with the head of Donald Trump (and the wings of a dove) swooped down and quacked menacingly.

Realising the impact on Jonesy if he were to lose his job (and the fact no one liked me much) I stopped proceedings and said I didn’t want to be considered so the job was his. See, I am lovely and kind I am. On reflection though I wish to retract this, and have the job. Stupid boy Carey.

2. Stupid Girl

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Now in this dream classic, I am at the end of our very long garden (extra long as it was a dream ok?). Then I see Carey Junior (female) leaning out of a top floor window talking to Mrs Bob. Suddenly I see her putting a leg out of the window (stupid girl!), then another (stupid girl!!), then I shout a warning just as she starts to fall (I did warn her, stupid girl…..).

As she fell, Bernie Clifton came galloping into sight on his hilarious ostrich shouting ‘do not fear, Cliffie’s here, I have treacle and I have beer!’

Now it seems that I woke Mrs Bob shouting “You stupid girl” in my sleep. See it is a dream classic as it combines both dream and reality. I told Carey Junior (female) off when I awoke that morning.

3. 2018: A Space Oddity

Now in this dream I had sudden inspiration to write a book and over about two weeks I had enough material for two classic sci fi / fantasy novels and the software I was using meant that when I printed it, it came out as a ready made book (two stories in one volume; smart snazzy picture cover). As my dream went on the euphoria died down as I realised that it must be rubbish with so much written so quickly and with no idea what I had written; I also noticed that the pages were all completely out of order.

When I looked closely at the pages I realised that they were made of death. Agonising death. Ouch. Oh yes. That’s existential and deep isn’t it?

Enough of my dreams…. I heard three tracks on one day the other week and had to tell you.

Bassheads anyone? It reached number 5 in 1991 and I own this House classic.

The 2nd track I hadn’t heard for years has it’s roots in 10CC.

Godley & Crème ‘Under your thumb’, their choo choo train ghostly single from 1981. Wooooooo! (that’s me being a ghost). The Stockport duo were of course members of 10CC whose ‘I’m not in love’ was Kurt Cobain’s catchphrase when Courtney stayed over at his mam’s house. Sorry.

My third track what I had not never heard in ages was by……

That’s right! Gigolo Aunts. Well now a) you have heard of them and b) you / we know what they look like.

‘Where I find my heaven’ is the only tack I know by them as the theme tune to TV comedy sitcom ‘Game On’ which only me and Mrs Bob watched as far as I’m aware. The best known person in it was probably Samantha Janus but Neil Stuke and Matthew Cottle were also main characters and Eddie Marsan was in one episode. It was up for a comedy BAFTA in the 90s but lost to ‘Only Fools and Horses’. Not very pc but a bit different and often very funny. Three series and I think I have them on cine film somewhere.

Now belive it or not but occasionally I make few notes and plan what I am going to blog about. One such note I have made for this blog is ‘Frothy Coffee’ but I have no idea what hilarious anecdote that relates to. I bet it was top notch.

I think I had a disagreement about Belouis Some last week; I enjoyed several packets of Brussel Sprout flavoured crisps and; apparently my big belly has shrunk a bit.

I had a trip up to Stockport at the weekend. I had to miss County playing but had a fun down my old local The Brook with all the gang – Rebecca, Petra, Pussycat, Dennis, Corleone, the two Mr Mertons, Amise, Rubbery and also Sister of Bob. We had a short quiz with one tough question being ‘What was the name of the main cop in UK cop show ‘Dixon of Dock Green’?’ Just before midnight I received a call from Mother of Bob who was waiting up anxiously in case her 52 and 56 year old children were kidnapped on the 5 minute route back to their house in gang-ridden Cheshire suburbia. By the way, we weren’t. I drank sensibly and only went to the loo about 5 or 6 times.

I also managed a trip to The Brook at lunch time too. Just being sociable.

My old local boozer

Now last week me and Steptoe went to see the marvellous Teenage Fan Club play at the Electric Ballroom. We didn’t rush as we knew they would not be on stage early, so when we got there there was a huge sell-out queue and visibility was tough as they started their (first of two) sets. They were brilliant and whilst they looked much older than us now, they sounded the same.

TFC’s best single ever

Me n Steptoe had a few beers first but as we are all grown up now we had a G&T in the venue. ‘Yes, a double please’ said I. The barman was distracted though and we each had a quadruple. Bleagh.

Being high tech I have been on YouTube a bit enjoying some old Phoenix Nights episodes. I have also been enjoying old episodes of ‘Man Down’. Fab. Shakira, classy. The actress is also Mandy in This Country.

Oooh oooh! That reminds me that I have only just discovered the Angelos Epethemiou short films. Just great. If you want some tips for Christmas Dinner (white carrots, yum) watch this.

My big fat sausage finger got pulled by a Turkish bloke today and I paid him for the pleasure.

Plenty to watch on TV now. I am not a big reality TV fan but I do enjoy I’m a Celebrity and The Apprentice. The Walking Dead is as good as ever and that Anglo-Saxon thing starts again tonight. Lucky I don’t start my new job for a week.

Carey Junior (son) was here for nearly a week last week after his clutch died and – 11 3/4 hour car recovery nightmare aside – the garage had to fit him in for repairs. He made good use of his time – studying, learning life skills from me, staring at things and also working with HAM on WHAM YouTube videos. The link below will make more sense if you watch TGBBO which I don’t.

Walking the dogs earlier I saw one of these.

Get over it. I am a top twitcher. You are not. Idiots. That includes you Jamie Idiot Oliver.

I have lost the thread of this Boblog now. Was there one? I could tell you about the spicy falafel I ate today but that is private. I have so much more to share – remind me to cover Bernard Cribbins next time (not literally).

Right. That is that. No idea how long this Boblog is as it is not telling me how many words I have waffled for some reason. I am boring myself just for a change.

Have a lovely Tuesday. I hope that a nice thing happens to do like you find a mouse or catch a crab.

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