But you see, it’s not me, it’s not my family

Three months of NO BOOZE. Then the combination of a load of live 80’s music and the encouragement of my old friend Whacko get me back on it. Just like that. Not like that, like that.

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So the 80’s fest that led to boozing was in Chelmsford, the county Town of Essex, the birthplace of Winston Churchill, William Shakespeare and Nelson Mandela, and home to the country’s biggest producer of brass hand oil.

So many 80s acts and so much fun. Jimmy Somerville was da biz. Bronski Beat and Communards hit after hit. ‘I feel love’ mixed into ‘Highway to Hell’ was falsetto fantasy. JS is in fact the reason I am not an accountant. More on that later.

Midge Ure surprised me with a cracking performance. He was in Visage and in Thin Lizzy for fudge sake!! Lots more. Heaven 17 were good but had key problems on ‘Penthouse and Pavement’. No gold lame jacket and cool comb-over makes up for starting a classic song in the wrong key.

Go West were one of those uncool bands I always loved. ‘Bangs and crashes’ is a great album. They were great live. Nick Heywood was a delight, China Crisis could have done better though 37 years after the first time I saw them (supporting 7-piece, pre-hits Thompson Twins and The Sound at Hammersmith Palais).

I won’t list every act but the mighty Quo headlined and you can see why they are still popular. Just not with me.

Musical Youth invited me up on stage to do vocals on ‘Pass the Dutchie’ and scouse redhead Sonia joined me for a version of her number 1 smash ‘You’ll never stop me from loving you’ that made the crowd weep.

Whacko and I were joined by my friends Sheepy and Lansbury and their friend Long John Junior. They were very lucky to spend the day with us in my view.

My fave compere was this man. Go on, who is he?

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So Whacko and I stayed in Chelmsford that night and as I realised it was exactly three months since I had had any alcohol we retired to the hotel bar. One guest, who had been at the 80s thing too, was just being ejected from behind the bar where she had tried to serve herself.

Now not that I like to brag about my many celebrity friends, but in the bar I chatted with Jenny out of the Belle Stars. Yes, that Jenny! She told us that she once went out with Neville Staple out of The Specials and that Sarah Jane in the Belle Stars went out with one of Madness. Mark Bedford? Can’t recall so lets say him. She then told me n Whacko that Nick Heywood was luverly but Betty Boo was, in effect, stuck up and up her own behind. Oo-er!

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Poor Ms Boo.

Enough of 80s music. Let’s talk 70s TV.

Yesterday I caught 5 mins of the sci fi classic ‘Space 1999’. But why oh why oh why was this being shown on the Horror Channel? Was I missing something when I watched this as a kid?

It was a scary 5 mins I watched though as this bloke in a space suit, unbeknownst to Commander Koenig, and the old bloke with the bad hairstyle, suddenly started to get a slightly twitchy hand and went cross-eyed. This seemed to suggest he was being taken over by an evil alien doodah and / or was ill. The result was that he used a bin or something to smash the space window. Thanks to a phaser stun they got out of the room in time and sealed the door just before the window blew out and the contents were sucked out into the moonscape.

Now call me pedantic, but on a hi tech space station – and remember it was operational in 1999, so it was VERY hi tech – would the windows not have highly strengthened / unbreakable material? I’m no DIY genius, but I think they went for the cheapest quote when they got the space windows done. Idiots.

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The Apprentice has started again and whilst I usually love this, I must say I am a bit bored with it just two episodes in.

It has already impacted upon my dreams though and last week I dreamt I was on the show. I was in a huge hall with the other contestants and we had to take our shoes off. When I went to put mine back on they were not there and the only pair left over was an ankle height, cream, slightly glittery heeled boot. I wore these.

It meant that I was a loner to begin with and felt v low as I was the bloke in a suit in ladies boots, who kept trying to find his black leather shoes. Then a load of the blokes piled into my room one morning and we began to get on; soon after one of the female contestants suddenly realised she accidentally had my shoes on and all was fine. I think I then realised what show I was on and woke up in terror. The Apprentice is better suited to the Horror Channel.

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Another TV inspired night-event came last night. I decided to binge watch some ‘Fear the Walking Dead’ last night and was glad I did. The first series was promising and then it became a bit rubbish – it was zombie yacht club with characters you wanted to get eaten. Then it got better again but by then all my friends had stopped watching it.

Now last night I got onto the season of FTWD where Lenny James’ character Morgan from The Walking Dead crossed over to FTWD; brilliantly linking the two series and showing they are part of the same story and zombie world.

Morgan is  – or was – the longest running character in TWD other than Rick Grimes himself, both having been in Season 1 Episode 1. Rick and other TWD characters are in the first Morgan episode of FTWD too. Wo!

Anyway, FTWD is really good now and even though a new season of TWD has just started, I am more hooked on Morgan and his story at the moment. Try it.

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT!!!

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Just found, by chance, that Dwight from TWD will be a main character in FTWD in Season 5. Brilliant!

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So last night, having watched loads of FTWD I went to bed and put on my sleep apnoea rubbery mask that Mrs Bob finds v attractive and went right off. I woke in the night trying to bite and eat the mask; yes, I seemed to think I was a zombie that prefers to chew on night-breathing apparatus rather than the vulnerable human flesh lying beside me. Luckily, or Mrs Bob would have beaten me.

Dreams to one side for now (but I have more to tell you at some point including a surprise marriage) as I move to food talk.

Last night we used Deliveroo for the first time as the women in my life wanted KFC which is apparently finger lickin(g) good. Now it is not dreadful but what is the point? Like Cartman, I would be happy to eat the skins and leave the rest. Their fries are very average, and their (what I am told is) amazing gravy, did not turn up with the order. Not for me.

I did try to get the gravy. I called the driver number provided but could not be connected. I called the store number provided but could not be connected. I went on-line for their ‘help’ form and picked ‘incomplete order’ which allowed me to pick what had not been delivered. The only problem is that they promise to respond within 48 hours. Not sure I want a tub of gravy tomorrow.

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At least it isn’t KFG with gammon instead of chicken. Gammon is the Devil’s work.

This blog has gone on longer than planned. I had so much more wisdom to share but another time.

No hold on, one more Zombie doodah. New British TV series Zomboat started this week. Now FTWD’s yacht escapade was crap but in Zomboat we are talking a canal narrow boat in the middle of Birmingham. That is far more classy.

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2 thoughts on “But you see, it’s not me, it’s not my family

  1. Me and Mrs Simon (is that plagiarism) like TWD and FTWD, though the later has gone a bit slow and dull in the last season.
    Mrs Simon also got me to try KFC gravy several years ago, and you are not missing out by your delivery going wayward. Bloody awful stuff.
    Loving your blog work, except for the picture of the pin cushion man. not cool.

    Like

    1. Our gravy has still not appeared. Not sure I want it now

      Like

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