Well it is two weeks since a Boblog. Sorry that doesn’t work as a Bob-log is very different to a Bob(b)log and it is not two weeks since the former. Less than half an hour in fact. Too much information?
Well that wasn’t as tasteful a start to the blog as I anticipated.
I have been really busy working. that is my excuse for no blog. Also I have been at home far more than usual and, as I have now found out, Mrs Bob really doesn’t like having me home working and living and, well, just being under her feet all the time. When I pointed out that I had not been out any evening this week she was v unhappy and said she wished I had gone out. I am sure I used to get told off for going out too much, not for being in too much? Mrs Bob and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary this week.
Last night to celebrate my anniversary love for Mrs Bob, I did high-kicking in the lounge whilst singing a lovely song I thought up in my own head. It was very romantic and sensuous but she told me to shut up and leave her alone. I am like the Tom Jones of Loughton. On the verge of an ASBO.
I am in the Bobcave now and am playing a great 80s compilation LP – currently ‘You can’t stop the music’ by The Village People. Wish Mrs Bob was here as I could so dance to this and do cool actions to make her go all lovedreamy. Today I am looking most like the Leather Biker bloke from the VP but I think the construction gear would suit me better.
Actually I did in fact see someone today in Leytonstone who could easily have been in a boy band about 20 years ago but had since let himself go. He was in building work gear complete with dungarees, belly was on the highway to paunch, and he was rockin’ out a crappy blue carrier bag look, I nearly asked if he was once in Brother Beyond.
The muzak continues in the Bobcave with Cliff Richard ‘We don’t talk anymore’. I preferred the one with him on roller skates. A little known fact that Sir Cliff was once engaged to Bette Midler!
I am typing at my newly installed desk in the Bobcave. Mrs Bob was keen to have the desk installed but it does mean that when I am working she barely sees me all day. That must be sad for her.
TV will be sorted in the Bobcave next week so I have my St George’s flag ready to hang outside Bobcave World Cup HQ to watch England frustrate the crap out of me. At least I / we have no expectations at all this time so if we play crap and lose then c’est la vie. More importantly, when are the National League North 2017-18 fixtures out?
Talking football, Mary told me I was going thin on top (unlike the rest of me). I have had this confirmed by a neutral party but don’t care as I like having being baldyshaveyhead anyway. Not a Ralphy look though.
We love hair in my family. Bob Junior (male) has just had a Donald Trump which really suits him, Bob Junior (female) has gone for a Max Wall and as for Mrs Bob, well she has gone for a traditional feathercut to go with my new cut-to-be. As a stylist for the 21st Century I like to think that my inspired and visionary ideas will shape the fashion of generations to come. If you are thinking about a restyle give me a call on my telex machine and let me help. Prices go as high as you want and if you are unhappy then you get another haircut free. I can provide references from previous customers (reference accuracy can vary according to how truthful I am when drafting them). If instead you need a barber then phone a sheep instead.
FA Cup Final shortly. In the olden days we would get shandy and crisps in and start watching all the pre-match build-up from before noon. You could also get the match day programme from the newsagents. Great days. Now it is on at bloody 5.15pm and this year it has been blighted by the royal effing wedding too. Also, yes also, in the olden days Stockport County would usually be in the final too and we would have street parties. Oh yes.
Still at least tv has picked up the last two weeks. The Bridge is back. Brilliant. Even if I can’t remember what happened in the previous series. I watched Humans last night and soon realised I had got bored in the last series and had stopped watching which is why I hadn’t the faintest idea what was happening and why. The superb Friday Night Dinner is back but not on top form so far. Better though is the hilarious Plebs. Absolutely chortletastic. With my insightful comments I could be a tv critic like Barry Norman, Robert Robinson or Byff Byfford.
Talking TV, I played Bob Junior (male) Ever so Lonely by Monsoon last night. Lead singer Sheila Chandra was in which top-rated kids programme in the 70s & 80s which we all watched??
Blimey. How tragic. Just had a look at what Sheila does now and it seems that in 2009, she began experiencing symptoms of what was eventually diagnosed as Burning Mouth Syndrome, as a result of which she is unable to sing, speak, laugh or cry without suffering intense pain. She has thus been rendered effectively mute. How awful. Never heard of this before. Apparently Burning Mouth Syndrome affects up to five individuals per 100,000 general population.
See, Bob’s World IS educational and occasionally true.
We are now on an old disco LP of Mrs Bob’s, ‘Knock on Wood’ by Amii Stewart. Oh yeah!
I had two job interviews this week. One I know I was unsuccessful at. I thought it was to be a train driver but it wasn’t, so my rendition of the theme to Thomas the Tank Engine as I walked in may have been a no-no. Not sure if I mentioned a recent interview when they showed me in and said I would be sitting in the corner. I couldn’t help myself and actually replied – yes I did – ‘No one puts Bob in the corner’. Not heard back from them since………
It’s not all work work work though. Lots of birthday landmarks. OzJ turned 40, V-Star has turned 18 and my waist has just reached 50. Saw another ex-Slimming World pal when out dog-walking last week who patted my belly. This is a set-up. Aggressive, targeted, Slimming World marketing??? It is adverse water retention FFS!
Diet Coke Exotic Mango??!! Well I am a traditionalist but I gave it a go and it is quite good for the wrong reasons. Like Coke with some Dandelion and Burdock stirred in. If Diet want to pay me I am open to advertising bribes.
Talking diet, the other week we had fish ‘n’ chips for tea. Here is the list Mrs Bob gave me;
low fat crisps
Now call me old-fashioned but give me cod, fish, mushy peas and a pickled cucumber any time. Mrs Bob is adamant that she accidentally gave me the wrong list. It were a crap tea.
The lovely weather this weekend does make you wonder if Jesus did indeed want you as a sunbeam, other than shining and shining all day, what would be required of you? My understanding is that some general tidying and hoovering would be required as well as occasionally doing a spot of cooking. If I lived in or near the sun I would bloody love it. I really really would. I can’t explain why I would just love it. Bet it would be warm and nice and bright, Brilliant.
When the space people like Buzz Aldyear landed on the moon they popped to the sun afterwards and found underground cave systems with cave paintings which depicted them landing there! You don’t read that in Space History Fact Truth books do you? That’s because those in charge are really space lizards and space vampires and they are keeping us in the dark.
They are fattening us up for Spacecreature banquet nights. Last night they mad me eat a large bag of Niknaks all by myself. Heed my words. Charles Darwin? Dead. Bing Crosby? Dead. Tupac? Dead. Sooty and Sweep? Puppets. Coincidence? I think not. Space invader are HERE.
On that note I am going. FA Cup Final on now. Now it’s on I am not interested. Roll on County away at Hereford United……