But oh oh my haircut looks so bad, Vegetable Man how are you?

Vampire or zombie?

I had this debate a few months ago and – obviously – most said they would be a vampire if they had to be either one of the living dead or a blood sucking immortal bat-thing. I just don’t get who would wish to be a zombie. Stinky, flesh bits falling off, and forever shambling about moaning. To be one you may need to be bitten too after a terrifying chase.

Now Vampires on the other hand. Just let one bite you and avoid the terrifying pursuit. Then you get to be all cool and gothic, hang out late at night, and live forever.

I cannot believe that one of my friends would have actually chosen to be a zombie. That is messed up.

If we do have a zombie apocalypse I think we will be ok as our back garden has fences round it and zombies can’t climb. We have a corner shop and a fishmongers 5 minutes away as well as a dental technicians and a tattoo parlour. All the essentials. I run fast and can hide behind slender trees so that will help. Mrs Bob has a bread maker too and we have plenty of tinned pear halves.

If the zombies begin to emerge feel free to come to our house but I will be in charge so if you don’t like it then I will have to hit you with a big stick.

Sticking with zombies….

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I have not been watching Jeremy Kyle despite what I said in my first blog but it does always seem to be on. Yes, the teeth are the most fascinating thing n.b. most ‘guests’ have very few of them, but it is what comes out of them that stops me in my tracks on occasions.

Today was the best as an angry female guest accused her partner – let’s call him Sean – of being a liar;

“Sean, you are a f****in’ liar!! You swore on my dead daughter’s life that you didn’t do it!”

I won’t expand on this but I don’t think this is how swearing on someone’s life is meant to work?

A group of us had a great time at (my 3rd club) Clapton FC who play in the Essex Senior League. Here is a picture of the action.

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Usually the games are buzzing as Clapton FC have a hardcore group of Ultras with flags, flares and songs. After a fallout with club management though, they were not there. Still, we had been to the pub before so we made up for their absence.

Here is a picture of the gents at Clapton FC. Hmmm is that a Stockport County sticker?

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Whilst we beat league leaders Redbridge 3-2 there were a few issues;

  • Our keeper looked tiny. Luckily in the 2nd half when he was near us we realised it was simply an optical illusion i.e. he had been a long way away.
  • Our keeper went on to save a penalty but then we had a player sent off for headbutting. I inadvertently harangued the ref to send him off thinking it was a Redbridge player, My bad.
  • We were duped into singing a song in tribute to the Redbridge manager (who seemed pleased).
  • Phil’s pen leaked in his pocket and all over his hands.

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We celebrated the win back in the pub in Forest Gate. By then I think we were in high spirits as the A-man, the most senior member of our party, decided he had to challenge us to try and do what he could do. He then sat on the floor with his legs extended, and using his fists, lifted his body off the floor, legs straight and then slowly opened and closed his legs twice. Impressive core strength and balance. Particularly after several lagers.

I tried to match him but for some reason could not lift my own weight. To be honest I could have done it but I didn’t want to ruin his evening.

Then a bloke in high viz work gear had a go. He too failed and looked pissed off as he heard £50 was at stake. Unsurprisingly the A-man and I only just got our last train.

Mrs Bob took me to Aldi today. I still don’t really like it but you do get some bargains. However we then had to go to Sainsbury’s to get the things we couldn’t get in Aldi. This is when I got confused and bought another jar of roasted peppers. I know. Disaster. If you have had a similar shopping disaster let me know. I live a crazy crazy life.

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Bob Junior (male) persuaded me to watch a Netflix film the other night. Brilliant – if you like Workaholics.

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Roger Ebert’s web review says it all

“Game Over, Man!” is grotesque, violent, insane and offensive—in other words, it’s kind of exactly what you’d expect from a “Workaholics” movie …”

“A few of the more extreme sequences in “Game Over, Man!” feature autoerotic asphyxiation, attempts to torture Bey by making him toss another man’s salad, and a severed penis used as a prop. It’s the kind of thing that could send a conservative viewer to the hospital with cardiac arrest”.

Oh yes, Bob’s World recommends. 9/10.

In exchange I got Will to watch This Country which I have mentioned before. May I make clear I have always lived This Country. Shut up Mike. Idiot.

If you have not watched it yet, give it a go on BBC iPlayer. Go on go on go on.

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Finally, as I have little to say today, I give you a mystery vegetable. See if you can guess what it is before you look at the picture, If you guess right then give yourself a round of applause. If this takes off there could be a prime time tv show in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

turnip

2 thoughts on “But oh oh my haircut looks so bad, Vegetable Man how are you?

  1. I wanted the vegetable of the week to be an aubergine. Life’s not fair.

    Like

    1. That was a possibility to be fair but turnips got a mention on The Walking Dead this week

      Like

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