Sequins and pearls

“Cinnamon! Nutmeg!!”

So shouts my common friend Mike to his two (imaginary) dogs. Yes, today, I have created two imaginary dogs for a mate as that is the kind of person I am.

I know Mike would really like a dog but what with working up town, that would be difficult. Bingo bongo! Bob to the rescue with two tiny quivery and nervous mutts, named after Christmas cake ingredients, and small enough to fit in an imaginary Cockney manbag. Mike was ‘delighted’ but concerned that they have already managed to get onto his enormous baroque ornamental marble kitchen work surfaces (also imaginary).

If you too would like one or more imaginary dogs then let me know, as I have others available.

Today I have been attending workshops to find out how to set up my own business. All very interesting and I now know the difference between consulting and contracting. I have some real ideas I may yet take forward but one problem would be the company name. It needs to present Brand Bob and exude professionalism and reliability. So far I have;

• Hot Churros!
• Perspex Moonbeams: Progressive Perspectives for People
• Hot Swingers!
• Ted McMinn’s Satanic Rites

Any feedback from my legions of blog-groupies would be appreciated.

I think I would a great entrepreneur as I smile like a cherub, I have hair all over, and my legs are more musical than anyone’s else’s legs I know this side of Cumbria. If you gently press my knees you will be able to pick up the faint strains of ‘The whole of the moon’ by The Waterboys, emanating from my posterior, and you will notice my legs swaying in time as if gently agitated by the warming winds of the Eastern Transvaal.

Another entrepreneurial trait I possess is the ability to channel the spirits of famous dead people. Yesterday, after a dream trance experience, I chatted with Tommy Cooper, Laurel & Hardy, and Deputy Dawg. We laughed and laughed we did and then after a few strong spirits (gerrit?!) we played tricks on Mike and hid his imaginary pooches. Ha ha! Then I woke up in an ectoplasmic mess and realised they had gone, leaving me to get the (imaginary) dogs back unseen and to clean up my bed.

Back to last night. Now Daisy has been going out with Ben now for two months. Ben is a Rock God and sings / plays geetar (and keyboards when they have any) in the sensational Essex band, Red Alert. Last night the 4-piece played a superb gig in Harlow and were also interviewed on the radio.

Now I tried to film some on Facebook Live but the speaker near me meant it came across like Neil Young on a feedback trip. Or TJAMC without their sheet music.

Here is a pic instead.

I got told off for jiggling a bit rather than standing still and silent. Other than their highlight of the night self penned track, what is there not to like about covers by Hendrix, Radiohead, ZZ Top, White Stripes, That Sex on Fire one, Eurythmics and more more more (Black Lace, Bucks Fizz, Joe Dolce?). Top bass and drums rhythm section but with his curtains, RA’s Keith Moon should be in The Charlatans, and RA’s Bassman Hook needs to join New Order.

Oscar on guitar put so much into the performance that a) he conjured up the spirit of Mr Guitar himself, Burt Weedon and b) overslept and was nearly late for school. Oh, and he was wearing his dad’s coat. Jesus lookalikee Ben is really Justin Hawkins (but with the looks / without the spandex) and I am pleased to announce that his holiness agreed that any future record deal will be managed by me and I can take the first £50k (in advance) for miscellaneous costs. Lads, I have so many imaginary gigs and festivals lined up for you, and you can have an (imaginary) limo each.

Red Alert  – go on Facebook and search for ‘The Red Alert’  – very talented geezers.

By the way, here is a picture of Midge Ure and Billy Currie from Ultravox.

Quiz question today – Vienna meant nothing to Midge. What though did it mean to Billy? Also, in this picture I do believe one of the boys has let off an involuntary tummy squeak (which would explain both of their attempts to look nonchalant). Whodunnit?

Thanks Julie for your late entry into the recent Japan competition. As already advised it was Richard Barbieri / 6 fingers (not Steve Jansen / 2 fingers which frankly is an insulting answer to all concerned….).

Finally for tonight…….whilst I have told you about Cinnamon and Nutmeg, I should add that you also imagine non-things. For example, imagine there’s no people. Go on, give it a go. I was chatting to a spectral John Lennon earlier and he said it was ‘easy peasy lemon squeezy’ to imagine there were no people and called me rude names when I struggled to do so. He also told me that he used to think Yoko Ono was called Yoyo Oboe and then burst old laughing like an imbecile Roy Orbison (who was there too tag-team wrestling with Johnny Cash against Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks). Yet again I woke in an ectoplasmic mess and found those damn mutts had stolen my trousers too (which were also imaginary).

In the words of funk pioneers Imagination;

“Music and lights – I’ll sing and dance for you all night
Sequins and pearls and lots of pretty girls”

That pretty much summarises perfectly my blog tonight. I thank you.