Well after my initial blog went viral (by that I mean I have now developed a cough), one of the thousands of blog comments has sparked controversy in the Carey household.
“oh poor little Mary, she should get you a list of jobs to do now you are off for 3+ months….blaah blaah…annoying annoying…. let’s mess up Bob’s well-deserved rest….blaah blaah,,,,”
So wrote ex-friend Linda.
Well now I have the list. Mary threw it at me earlier. I managed to lose it but she returned it this afternoon (with malice) even though I was still sleepy after my afternoon nap.
Now I’m a man who does my bit – gone are the apparently sex-defined household tasks of the 70s and laughing at long springy armed alien robots carrying bags of potatoes when they could have had instant mash. This list though is a joke and is akin to Guantanamo Bay or being made to go shopping at Hobbycraft.
When I gave up work, and Mary and I agreed I would have at least 6 months off to nap and watch TV, she never said I would also have work to do. As I type I am having to dance (dance) regardless of where I am, and it is hard graft I tell you. I am currently at the curry house and I am spilling my raitha (which looks like sick) all over my hotpants.
I must say though, the list seems to focus on Mary’s base needs rather than my own personal fulfilment. I am not a plaything though Mary. I am a grown man. With a fully grown belly and chins. I will not be treated like this just because I am a lazy man. “Lazy man”? An oxymoron surely? [N.B. Please note I have used a word some of you may now need to look up. Martha].
Demeaning task list aside, I had a two hour dog walk today, had my fat finger x-rayed (I reckon space has run out in my belly so each finger will gradually pop out like a juicy little pork sausage, the more cake I eat) and I got told off for trying to join in a conversation which apparently I was not a part of (and never will be).
I’m guessing these blog entries need to be short so nearly done. I still don’t understand what you are meant to do. Is there meant to be a purpose? Should I start with an idea in mind before I start randomly typing? That sounds like hard work and this is meant to be relaxing. I don’t really care anyway. Idiots.
On the cheese issue by the way, I did have some camembert last night which was one item in one of my leaving gift hampers. If you would like a photo of some camembert and / or of me eating camembert, then email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.